Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
