This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
