I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's blow job season.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
