I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
