well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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