You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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