Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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