You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
