I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
