i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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