I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
