Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
