Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
