Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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