So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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