so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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