i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
