I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
