the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
