I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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