My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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