I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
