My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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