i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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