Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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