i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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