Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
