then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I could fuck to npr.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
