wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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