one might say we're banned from that church
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
