Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize