I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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