How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
