THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
