So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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