I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
