I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We left the knife in your bed.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize