last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
