and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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