I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
