You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
