found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
