These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
be right there i have to get my cape
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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