Already got asked if we're dating
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
