RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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