if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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