maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
