Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
