I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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