i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
