Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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