what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
