Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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