I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
