Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
