Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
