If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
