She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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