We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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