so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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