At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You did what with his pubic hair?
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