yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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