No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
