Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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