I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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