Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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