he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
