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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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