a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
