I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
